July 12, 2020

Making friends...

Making friends is hard.

In Alaska, I had some great friends. It took me a LOT of not so great ones to get there but I finally found some keepers.  I also had a lot of people that I didn't hang out with daily but I knew I could call if I needed something.  I knew people, good people.  I went through my fair share of drama and terrible people before getting there but it was worth the climb.

Then we moved.  I've touched base on making friends in the Mil Spouse community before (read here) but man, it's not easy.  We've been here almost a year now. September 23rd will make it a year.  I've met some people here and know some people here from Alaska, thankfully. 
But the people I've met here.... I wouldn't call them up to go shopping with me, or to go grab coffee and a bite to eat.  I wouldn't invite em over for a play date.  Most of them already have their own friends and lives so I'd feel like I was just interrupting them.  I don't want to force them to befriend me.  And I'm TERRIBLE about making the first move.  I don't text people first, I don't say, "Hey! Let me get your number. Let's get together".  It's just not me.   I've come across some people here that just suck. (David and I were what we call "convenient friends" to them. They only liked us because it was convenient but then they moved on to bigger/better things and just forgot about us-I'm okay with that because I dreaded anything to do with them like 95% of the time). 

Anyway,  at first I didn't mind it,  I even told David that with all the hell I went through in Alaska just trying to make friends that I just didn't even want to bother trying.  I didn't care to try.  I was dead set in my ways for the longest time.  I was fine with it. 
And then it happened.  That damn bike club. I was forced to meet people and mingle.  I didn't hate it but then again, as soon as I let my guard down, I got shit on.  Don't get me wrong, they don't all suck.  I actually really like the vast majority of them.  But still. It stings to let my guard down only to get shit on, even if it was by people that I didn't much care for. 
Being asked to lie to another wife about a sleepover should've been a big clue though that these two were real winners. (I could go on and on with the signs that they sucked but I won't).

Point being, being a military spouse and moving around so much makes it so difficult to meet people, to connect with people.  You have to fast track through the basics of getting to know someone and just hope that a month or so later they don't do a 180 and totally suck.  I've reached the point where I want to make a friend.   I want to be able to text her and say,  "Hey! Dead to the world... meet at starbucks in 20?" or something stupid like that.   I want to be able to say, "Hey babe.... me and so & so are gonna go see this chick flick, when do you NOT work so you can stay home with the bittles?!". 

I want to be able to have play dates and not find their kid(s) to be total brats.  I want to be able to talk to them without watching my every word.  I want to be able to hang out with them without walking on eggshells.  I want a real fucking friend, damn it! Is that really too much to ask?!

I'm not sorry for the language.  It's how I speak.  I just censor myself on my blog because it seems more appropriate.

ANYWAY:  This week's good deeds. 

  • We ordered pizza Wednesday evening and tipped the guy more than we normally would. 
  • I stopped the cars behind me when turning into Fin's school to let a car coming the other way over... otherwise he'd have been waiting a long time. 
  • I let a guy back out of his driveway instead of continuing to drive and making him wait.  I figured he could've been in a hurry or late for work or something. 
  • I made small talk with people at the kids' dentist appointments while I waited for the kids instead of just playing on my phone the whole time. 
  • OH!! I made an appointment to get Bo neutered.  After seeing the hole he ate in our living room wall with me literally sitting in the same room, instead of just finding him a new home, I'm giving him a 2nd 100th chance to be less of an asshole dog.  And I told David I'd pay for it out of my half of tax money so that he didn't have to put a bike part back from his very full online cart.


Raising Reagan said...

Aww ... hugs my friend. I would totally go grab coffee with you or go to a chick flick.
I felt that way when we moved to PA .. I was so alone and knew no one. That's when I really discovered I loved going to movies by myself and getting some ME time. Eventually it will come and you'll meet someone amazing.
Damn the liars -- that's crazy!

(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

Janie E. said...

I'd go get coffee with you if I lived close :(

Mrs. K said...

dude, same here.

I haven't made real friends here either (ok, maybe one. time will tell ;) ) and all I want is to be able to send out a quick text, like you said, and meet up for coffee or something. I don't want to over-think it if so and so is busy and can't...ya know?

Holly McDonald said...

We tend to move around a lot too with the hubs job (not military, construction). It is hard to make friends, and I always struggle too. Specially since I know in a couple of years we'll move any ways. Hang in there and keep letting your guard down. It sucks to get stomped on, but eventually you'll find the right person!

Rachel S said...

I moved back to my hometown and found that the same friends I had have changed and it is very hard to make friends now as well. I understand this so much...lets move to the same town!!!

Also...good luck with the neuter. I hope he calms down!!

Cece said...

Have you tried meetup.com? My sister is a mil spouse and has used that a few times.


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