August 15, 2020

Some days I feel like a failure as a mother.

So often I see all these great things on Pinterest or make all these great plans to be the most amazing mother in the entire world, you know- dinner on the table at the same time every night, a full/real meal, after school activities, healthy all the way, water only, homemade play dough, spray chalk, baths every night, matching cute pajamas, etc etc only to realize that I don't have regular flour or that I don't have enough corn starch to fill a while bottle of spray chalk or that I'm just too tired to make a real dinner or, "yes. sure. eat that as a snack! OWEN, NO!!!"

During moments like that, I feel like a sucky mother, I really do!  I had the greatest summer bucket list ever made up and ready to tackle them all only to be surprised by a summer of rain followed by failure after failure. 
As I tried to make puff paint with whole wheat flour, David reminded me that they still loved it even if it didn't turn out like it was supposed to.
Time after time, I try to copy this or make that and I need to just throw in the towel on being that perfect mother.  It's just not ME.  I love the idea of it more than anything. 

In reality, I'm a mess.  I'm unorganized no matter how hard I try,  I'm terrible at sticking to schedules,  I'm usually running late,  I'm a procrastinator,  I'm a last minute person. 
My kids aren't always in perfectly clean outfits.
Maddie doesn't always have giant matching bows in her hair.
Owen doesn't even wear shoes.
Fin's usually mismatched with messy hair.

Some days I worry that I'm a failure as a mom.  Some days I ache so much to look like the perfect mom and to have my shit all together but it's not me. 

In reality I'm the flustered mom that just rushed one dog outside, one dog in a cage while trying to keep the toddler from running outside with the first dog while making sure the oldest has his lunch while throwing on a bra and attempting to fix my mess of a hairstyle while trying to explain to my dearest Maddie that she shouldn't wear long sleeve shirts when it's 96 degrees outside on 1/3 a cup of coffee and about 5 hours of sleep a night. 

David reminding me that they don't care, that they loved the attempted puff paint anyway was just what I needed to hear.  No matter how much of a mom failure I feel like, the hugs I get and the love I get from them is the perfect reminder that I am enough for them.  I'm their mom and they love me and my sad attempts at being awesome no matter what. 
And that is okay with me. 
Now if only I actually could be a little more organized or at least stick to a laundry schedule we'd be good.


Mel said...

what makes you a good mom isn't your successes or failures...

it's that you care enough to TRY...

my kidlet is older. we were wanting to do something and i was just too plain tired to do it... and i needed extra help from him with household stuff as it's been an uneasy summer for me symptom-wise (I have a chronic condition that causes me to be tired/achy/dizzy/vertigo-licious quite a lot... we're still adjusting to a *new normal* and it sucks for them... hubbs and kidlet. they both pull so much more than their fair share. so i get it that you don't think that you're good enough/accomplished enough...

just plain don't feel like you're ENOUGH.

and i was apologizing to my 13 year old... for basically that. that he deserved so much more from a mom than he got, but that i really hoped that he knew that for all my faults, i love him with

and he looked at me like i was crazy.

like certifiable.

he thinks i'm a great mom.

even tho i'm too tired to take him to the pool and sit there while he swims. even tho he has to carry all the laundry up and down the stairs for me. even tho he has to do the first put-the-dog-out-in-his-sleep because first-of-the-mornings aren't great for my balance and i don't do stairs in a hurry even tho the dog sometimes needs a hurry. even tho i haven't made an actual *lunch* all summer.. well i did yesterday. i made tuna sammies and micro popcorn and plums for both of us... but normally our days are a lot of fresh fruit, yogurt cups, cereal/cereal bars, and things he can get himself.

we have YET to do a craft project.

and every. single. time he's tried to get me to sit and watch torchwood or sherlock with him (he loves BBC America shows?) i've fallen asleep about 15 minutes in.

he still believes--or at least says---that i'm the best mom ever.

so cut yourself some slack. they ate SOMETHING. and at least you tried to make the weird puff paint. (pinterest stuff hardly EVER works... those people make paint for a LIVING... and honestly, i think pinterest is doing us more harm than good as moms... seriously. we've all got complexes now that we suck... and pinterest is serving as our evidence. at least before pinterest, we thought we might not be great, but there wasn't a checklist of what we Could/Should/Oughta Try To Do to show us just how lame and sucky we were.


Jessica Eustace said...

Sweetie, you are NOT a failure as a mom. All of those "imperfect" things are what makes you an amazing mother. It's good for our kids to see us try and fail at something because they get to see how we come out of the situation and they learn from that. Just look at your beautiful kids, at how happy they are, how well adjusted, and awesome they are, and then you will see that you are not a failure but a success!
Every mother feels like a failure at some point, it's a part of being a mother.
Pinterest, I have a love hate relationship with it because of this reason. It makes us feel like we need to do all these things with our kids and half the time the pins are crap. Pinterest is like guide book on becoming a stepford wife. We are too awesome to become stepford wives.
I feel you on the summer bucket list. I sucked at our bucket list for the exact same reason. The rain. The rain has been horrible and has kept us grounded all summer.
I promise you, your kids do not think you are a failure, so you shouldn't think that of yourself. You could put shaving cream on the floor and let them play in it and in their eyes you are the most awesome mom ever!

Kristin said...

Sometimes blogworld makes us feel like we're failures in a lot of ways. And we're not! We weren't before we blogged...why would we be now?

Our childhoods weren't inspired by Pinterest and we turned out just fine. So if our kids aren't doing special crafts everyday or looking like they're always ready to be posed for a photoshoot, I think that's okay too :)

Lanaya | Raising Reagan said...

What a good hubby to remind you that you are doing a good job.
Pinterest makes every mother feel like a failure and so does the blog world at times.
But ... there are a lot of secrets inside everyone's home that isn't ever revealed.
So ... never feel like that mama. {Even though we all do it all the time!}

(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

Jenn said...

Pinterest can be awesome and horrible all in one fell swoop, right? You are doing great. I would be dead on the floor with only 5 hours of sleep.

[email protected] a sorta fairytale said...

I can SO relate to this!!! Being a Mom is no freaking joke. Let's all stick together, and remind each other that we are NOT failures, we're all hot messes just trying to do our best.

Elizabeth Sanders Towns said...

Being an awesome mom is really all of the attempts tied together with a bow - whether it matches or is sticky from leftover jam spots on the kitchen table. Nobody ever tells you that right after Delivery #1. There are no perfect Moms, and if there are, their kids are in for years of therapy and massive doctor bills, and society is in for years of tax increases because of the increases police force we’re gonna have to pay for to catch their broken asses and stop them from torturing everybody because of their Mommy Dearest. You are an awesome sauce mom.

OneMommy said...

All too often Pinterest can make a mom feel like that! I think it is high time to see some parenting "fails" on Pinterest -- which really aren't fails at all, just life as a REAL parent!

Your kids have the best mom -- because she loves them so much she tries to do those activities. Life is hectic -- it's the little moments that really count, not what Pinterest thing you accomplish.

Stopping in from SITS.

[email protected] said...

This is how I feel. Everyday. No joke. It's the times when I am reminded what really counts and what really matters is when I'm the happiest and the best mom in my opinion. Love you girl! You are not alone and are doing a great job!! XOXOXO

Jenna Guizar said...

I can totally relate :) I often struggle with the "I'm not as good as her" mentality. Pinterest definitely increases those negative thoughts about myself! But at the same time, I look at my kiddos, just like you do, and realize that they love me no matter what, and they just want to see me happy and smiling and the rest is just fluff :)

Visiting you from SITS :)


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